Here in California, their sense of siege grew more intense in September when Gov. Smith is one of thousands of men across the country, often known as “ex-gay,” who believe they have changed their most basic sexual desires through some combination of therapy and prayer - something most scientists say has never been proved possible and is likely an illusion.Įx-gay men are often closeted, fearing ridicule from gay advocates who accuse them of self-deception and, at the same time, fearing rejection by their church communities as tainted oddities. “In my 50s, for the first time, I can look at a woman and say ‘she’s really hot.’ ” Smith said in an interview at the house in Bakersfield, Calif., he shares with his second wife, who married him eight years ago knowing his history. He spent 17 years in a doomed marriage while battling his urges all day, he said, and dreaming about them all night.īut in recent years, as he probed his childhood in counseling and at men’s weekend retreats with names like People Can Change and Journey Into Manhood, “my homosexual feelings have nearly vanished,” Mr. Smith, 58, who says he believes homosexual behavior is wrong on religious grounds, tried to tough it out. LOS ANGELES - For most of his life, Blake Smith said, “every inch of my body craved male sexual contact.”
